Bondage Psychology?

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Bondage Psychology?

Postby dreadnaught3200 » Sun Mar 14, 2010 12:48 am

Hey Everybody

So recently I've been doing some research into our particular little quirk (as I'm sure a lot of us have), and I came across something interesting. I always assumed that a love of bondage, or things like it, were akin to other personality quirks in that they are inherited genetically. Which implies that someone in all of our extended families share the same fantasies, which can often be true. But in my case, I've never found one. But according to some things that I've read, these types of fantasies are developed as abnormalities in a person's psychological makeup. That some kind of extraneous circumstance when a person is growing up gives them these kinds of fantasies.

Now considering that fantasies of bondage, in essence are all about control. My question is this: What kind of circumstances in your life have made you develop a love of bondage?

To demonstrate, I'll answer for myself.

There are two reasons that I can think of why I have this quirk.

A: I was a pretty weak child. A lot of things upset me, I wasn't popular, and I cried all the time. I know that this is normal for kids, but I was especially bad. This caused me a lot of problems when I was boy. Fortunately I had the example of my Dad, who is honestly the strongest person I know. So as I grew up, following my Dad's example, I toughened myself up psychologically as much as I could to make up for my weakness. It seems only natural that, that suppressed trait would re-surface in the form of a fantasy of submission.

B: I've spent much of my life taking care of other people. Namely all my sisters. I have two real sisters, and many "adopted" sisters, or girl friends who I have a sibling like relationship with. Now don't get me wrong, I love them all dearly. But it sometimes gets really annoying to always have to do the giving and never the receiving. No matter how stoical and self-sufficient a person is, everyone wants to be taken care of sometimes. And when someone ties you up, they take over total responsibility for you.


So that's a glimpse into my bizarre mind for ya. But everybody has a story and we are all into this stuff for a reason. So, I'd love to hear anything you guys have to say about it. Do you agree, do you disagree? What made you in to bondage? Let's talk!
There's a permanent tension in music isn't there? On one hand you have three chords, you know, four four and three chords. Then there's the people like me, who say "Well, why don't we add a fourth chord and put it in five four?" - Bill Bruford
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Re: Bondage Psychology?

Postby MHW » Sun Mar 14, 2010 1:05 am

Alrighty, getting into people's heads and seeing what makes them tick, my kind of thing. :P

Especially on your point b, I've heard of many instances where this is the case. From what I can gather, it seems these types of people tend to find a sort of emotional release from giving up control to their captor. Any of the times I've heard about usually also involved mass looking after of others, be it family or otherwise, so I agree that it seems like a fairly common (at least in the realms of this particular interest) reasoning.

As for myself? While I have had a decent amount of helping and looking after others thrust on me so far in my life, I have little interest in being the one tied up, and prefer to be the one doing the tieing. It seems I'm an exception to this idea, although I can't find any specific point as to why I enjoy being the captor. The reasoning for this still escapes me, but I find a lot of people end up having a harder time figuring out themselves then they do others, so who knows.

If nothing else, your arguement would prove your mind to be anything but bizzare, as there is credible reasoning provided in your very post. The only glimpse of strangeness I can see at all would be the interest in bondage itself, and that would only be strange to those who do not fully understand it.
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Re: Bondage Psychology?

Postby Kyo » Sun Mar 14, 2010 6:52 am

So what if you like bondage for the thrill of resisting or trying to escape rather than for the sake of giving up control? What does that say about a person then because I honestly have no idea. There's no fun in it in my opinion if the you/the other person doesn't even try to escape or anything. Why even bother with the bondage stuff if you/them are just going to be totally submissive anyway?
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Re: Bondage Psychology?

Postby dreadnaught3200 » Sun Mar 14, 2010 10:17 am

Good question. I'm sure there's many people here who are into bondage for the challenge of escaping and or preventing someone else from escaping. But we all enjoy these things in different ways it seems. For example it seems a lot of folks on this board enjoy this stuff in the context of a kidnapping fantasy. No two people are completely alike, which is what this thread is all about hehe
There's a permanent tension in music isn't there? On one hand you have three chords, you know, four four and three chords. Then there's the people like me, who say "Well, why don't we add a fourth chord and put it in five four?" - Bill Bruford
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Re: Bondage Psychology?

Postby Kyle » Sun Mar 14, 2010 10:22 am

I got interested in the adventure aspect of it. My earliest thoughts about bondage involved me rescuing the damsel in distress. Later I moved on to thinking of myself being caught by some bad guys and having to escape. For me it was the thrill part of it.

I have read that many people who have lots of responsibilities enjoy being tied up while those who have to answer to a lot of people like being the ones doing the tying, but of course it's not always the case. I think the reasons people get interested in it vary quite a bit. You have people like me who get interested due to the adventure of it trying to escape (or rescuing someone else), you have people who just like the challenge of trying to escape, and then there are people who wouldn't dream of getting involved in bondage if their games didn't have some sort of sexual aspect to them (a topic I won't get into much as it's not the focus of this site). That's probably not covering nearly everyone.
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Re: Bondage Psychology?

Postby ilikebeingtiedup » Sat Nov 13, 2010 8:38 pm

i agree with kyle. i kinda always associated my love for this sort of thing with an adventure, you know the crazy stuff that happens in Saturday morning cartoons. I always thought the psychology of it was either being in control or the lack of control, but after a look inward I think I love the thrill. I don't enjoy tieing nearly as much as being tied. The sensual aspect has only become relevant in recent years, and I've been a fan much longer than that.
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Re: Bondage Psychology?

Postby cellofello » Sun Nov 14, 2010 12:16 am

There is no single answer. As has been mentioned, some people compensate - dominant in everyday life, submissive in the bedroom, and vice versa. Others reinforce - submissive or dominant in both spheres. Some people are more interested in the physical sensation of bondage than others. Some like to be bound very tightly, while others can't stand any sort of discomfort.

I have been into this since early childhood, while I was still an only child and before entering kindergarten. So it's hard for me to see how in my case it could have had anything to do with either compensation or reinforcement. I remember seeing a kid's show with the protagonist (a girl) tied up and gagged, and being turned on. (Yes, I was sexually aroused, though I didn't know anything about that at the time.)

I enjoy both the physical and the psychological aspects of being bound. I like to struggle, so I don't like handcuffs (they hurt too much to struggle against). I like the feel of ropes that are as tight as possible without cutting off circulation. But I also like the psychological thrill of being genuinely helpless, and the possibility of my captor doing things to me I would not choose (within limits, of course!).
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Re: Bondage Psychology?

Postby PamelaCH » Sun Nov 14, 2010 6:54 am

Cool topic!

I think it's at least possible our interests are inherited. I caught my parents about to start a bondage game a few years back... :mouthopen:

On the other hand, not everything is inherited. My parents both love country music, I can't stand it... :roll:

Some people, like me, enjoy being tied both as fun game to try to escape from, which can be played with friends, and being tied by a boyfriend who has control over you, and can do whatever he wants to you. Others like to be tied just for games, and aren't interested in it for romance/sex. And of course there are those who want to be tied up by a dominate guy they can submit to.

I other words...I have no clue. :big:

Cool topic though!
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Re: Bondage Psychology?

Postby michaelstronghands » Wed Nov 17, 2010 5:06 am

Is it just me or is everyone who commented here a submissive?

I for one prefer being dominant, and I can't really trace the genesis of my quirk. I've always known I've been into bondage, as long as I've known about sexual attraction and such. I'm not sure why, perhaps someone would like to speculate. To an extent I love the problem solving element, I've always been limited in resources and I've spent my time tyingy only tug partner (now ex girlfriend) using shoelaces and scarves. The less movement she has the better, and the actual act of tying her up turns me on. She was more into the roleplay, and didn't enjoy being tied up as much as being helpless (if that makes sense)

I guess from a psychological standpoint I love being in control, but surely it must be deeper than that.
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And no I'm not an emo :P
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Re: Bondage Psychology?

Postby james bound 1997 » Mon Aug 12, 2013 1:24 pm

This really helps put the whole idea in perspective of how we all like bondage or tie up games
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Re: Bondage Psychology?

Postby aeris » Mon Aug 12, 2013 3:41 pm

Don't forget the tactile feelings of bondage. For many of us, just the feel of rope on our wrists, or tape on our mouths, or what have you, in any context, sends us deep into headspace.
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Re: Bondage Psychology?

Postby truly_trussed » Mon Aug 12, 2013 5:23 pm

I can't recall the source but I remember reading years ago in a bondage "How to" book (I'll have to track it down) - "Ropes are surrogate hugs. Gags are surrogate kisses." :tied: :gag:
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Re: Bondage Psychology?

Postby NemesisPrime » Tue Aug 13, 2013 6:01 am

Finally something related to both what I love and what I want to study!

It's hard to tell where it started with me, I always enjoyed pleasing people and making them happy because I guess I never really cared about how I felt but how others felt about me. I guess that's where it developed from. Now since I grew up I've toughened myself to be a little more well selfish but I still have that need to be submissive to those I care for and I have to agree with T.T here to be tied up and played with by someone you love and care for is probilly the greatest expression of love out there. To know you are silenced and helpless but also know you are completely safe and willing to let your partner do whatever they want to you because you trust them.

But the headspace part plays a role too ;)
Everyone speaks in multiple languages...But gag talk is universal and a sock in your mouth is the perfect translator!
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